Friday, April 1, 2011

Things that I've learned from gaming

1. Most women are about 6'4 and have boobs lager then their heads. Also, women's breast shapes and sizes mean that they lack any sort of lungs or hearts.

2. It's easy for a single person to push a metal crate five times their size. Just look at Lara Croft and Link!

3. Shooting from the hip is accurate.

4. There is no such thing as bullet drop. Newtonian physics do not affect ammunition.

5. Women can only be hurt in their erogenous zones. Hence why they don't need armor anywhere else. They also never get cold.

6. You never need to contact HQ for permission to engage.

7. Friendly fire is painless.

8. Anyone chasing you will give up after they're lost track of you for 30 seconds, then they'll just forget all about the incident.

9. Wood is highly explosive, especially when used in constructing crates.

10. You never need to ease on the accelerator when turning and you should never break.

11. All barrels are flammable regardless of contents.

12. Any man who isn't 300 pounds of pure muscle isn't in shape.

13. Nobody cares if you bump into them when running indoors.

14. All moral choices are black and white. There are no such things as dilemmas.

15. Painting your car will cause everyone to forget about you running over police officers and shooting old people.

16. A 9mm round can easily decapitate somebody but torsos will never be disemboweled by gunfire.

17. All alien life is hostile. Nobody outside our world would ever desire trade.

18. Painkillers strong enough to heal gunshot wounds aren't addictive.

19. People in bar fights take turns attacking and often stand idle.

20. Nothing is more satisfying than rifle butting a racist, homophobic twelve-year-old boy in the face.

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